So, this post is about our birth story. It's written by Justin and I, telling our own version of the story throughout the labor. Justin's side of the story is written in blue and mine is written in pink; if only we could have Avery's side of the story as well :P. It is a very long birth story, but it was an experience that we didn't want to forget; it was difficult yet an amazing 16 1/2 hours.
And, yes, there are pictures at the end!
THE DAY
We went at 11:00, on the 13th of
September, for a longer checkup than usual; because Sammie was
past her due date, they wanted to check her fluid levels (AFI test)
and listen to the baby's heartbeat for 20 min to make sure it was
well. The sound test went great, our little girl's heart beat just
how it should. After the ultrasound to check for fluid levels, we
asked the technician how the ultrasound was looking. She responded
with an ominous sounding “not good at all, your fluid levels are
extremely low.” Perhaps a “looks like it's time to get your baby
out” would have been a preferable way to break that news!
We went back to the lobby to wait for
Katie Gubler (our midwife) to be available. Sammie was nervous at
this point – she really didn't to have to get induced, with the
higher C-section probability. She called her doula, Trisha Baird, to
let her know, and we waited about ten minutes before Katie brought us
back. She confirmed that we definitely needed to induce that day.
She performed a check on Sammie, and found that was only just over a
centimeter dilated. She told us to go home and eat some lunch, and
come to the hospital around 2 or 2:30 and check in.
We went home for a frenzied round of
last minute cleaning, and ate some leftover bean-and-beef burritos
we'd made the day before.
When the ultrasound technician told us
that the fluid levels were low and that we were going to have that
baby today, I remember feeling a rush of mostly confusion and
uncertainty. I almost started crying because my emotions were so
confusing. I would feel excited but then feel dread because I knew
that being induced with the complications that I was having (the baby
was posterior, I was only at 1 1/2 centimeters with no active labor
signs) would make the labor very difficult.
When we went home
to get ready, Justin was in super cleaning mode and trying to
organize everything in sight. I went downstairs and got my music
playlist sorted for the labor and just browsed the internet while
listening to calming music so I could try to get my mind off of the
coming induction. We packed our bags for the hospital, which was
pretty fun to do, then we left for the hospital around 2. Justin and
I both thought the drive to the hospital would be completely
different as we were expecting to do most of my laboring at home and
then leave for the hospital when my contractions were very close
together and gathering in strength. Justin was disappointed he
didn't get to speed through downtown St. George without getting in
trouble to race me to the hospital; we just had to follow the speed
limit and think about what lay ahead in the near future.
THE WAIT
We dutifully got to the hospital
between 2 and 2:30. However, the hospital wasn't quite ready for us;
there wasn't an open room quite yet (there were rooms, but not the
nice ones with the tub – we wanted one of those!) They told us
that one of them had just finished the labor and was moving upstairs,
and that if we wanted to wait for about 20 minutes, we could have it.
We went out and played a game of Carcossone on the iPad, watched
some of a terrible Eddie Murphy movie on the TV (I Spy), and
ate trail mix. And waited. And waited.
After about two hours, we finally
moved into the room.
At this point, I was just excited and
ready to get started when we made it to the hospital and were
waiting. We actually didn't really mind the wait because it was fun
to have some time together, playing a game and sitting together on
their waiting room couches. We got into our room though finally and
it was time to get started. I asked them if I could just wear my own
clothes and they were fine with that, instead of the hospital
garments. Then we waited a bit more for the nurses and Katie to
arrive.
THE LABOR BEGINS
By 5pm, the first nurse had come in to
get us started. Beeping monitors were activated, and an army of
wires, and an IV were attached to Sammie. The nurse told Sammie she
was going to need to check her again; though she'd just been checked
at Katie's office, and checks are uncomfortable and painful. It made
me quite mad at first that they were going to do that just to satisfy
a bureaucratic requirement, but by the time it was actually
happened, it had been a good 6+ hours since the check that was done
at at Katie's office. It took until nearly 6pm for the induction to
start.
Sammie was given a pill to dissolve in
her mouth that started the labor induction. Within minutes, she was
having semi-regular contractions, although faint and far apart. I
turned down the heart rate monitor machine, because even perfectly
regular sounding heartbeats sound terrifying in the hospital. We
brought up Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves on our laptop, and
tried to get lost in a movie as much as possible for the first bit.
Sammie ordered a chicken wrap from the hospital, and I ate trail mix
and beef jerky. We were able to enjoy the first half of the movie
pretty well; even with contractions coming every 8, then 7, then 5
minutes, the power of Mel Brooks helped distract Sammie from the
discomfort pretty well.
Halfway through the movie Katie came.
After seeing nurse after nurse come in and do uncomfortable things to
Sammie, it was quite a relief to see a trusted face come in. Katie
checked Sammie and found that she hadn't progressed much since the
afternoon. She decided to use what was basically a medical balloon –
she inserted a tube into Sammie in what looked to be an incredibly
uncomfortable and painful procedure, and begin inflation. There was
lots of blood on her glove when she finished putting it in –
thankfully Sammie didn't see it! We were told that it was going to
inflate her to 2.5 cm over the next 45 minutes to 2 hours. The movie
now wasn't as good of a distraction now that there was that painful
tube forcibly dilating Sammie, but there was still a few laughs.
It was now almost 9 pm, so we called
Trisha to come help with the labor (and had her bring me some Diet
Pepsi – I drank a LOT of caffeine over the next 12-24 hours!). A
new nurse came on at 9 named Pearl, that was there for the next 12
hours, and would prove to be extremely helpful and caring.
A little while after the movie
finished, the balloon finally popped out. After that Sammie was able
to get up and walk around. The hospital staff wanted her wires
attached most of the time, so they hooked up a wireless transmitter
for her. We walked around together, her with wires, me with a big
electronic box around my neck hooked up to her wires.
We alternated between going on short
walks through the hospital hallways (always stopping to smell the
coffee), having her sit back for some contractions, and kneeling for
others.
When the doctors hooked me up to wires
and monitors, it turns out that I actually was having some minor,
regular contractions without any induction; it was as if Avery knew
it was time to come out now. They were not regular enough though, so
the pill that was given to me increased the contractions and started
to set things on track. Katie had talked to Dr. Lunt, my
obstetrician, and they decided that they needed to insert the
balloon, which actually wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.
The contractions started to get pretty painful and more frequent
after that. I was not fond of that balloon after a short while; it
felt like something was definitely widening down there and it wasn't
normal at all. To add to that discomfort, I couldn't really move
except to go to the bathroom. There was one bathroom break where I
called the nurse because blood had started coming out everywhere.
They called in Katie and she checked and verified it was still in
place. Sometime after that they gave me another pill to dissolve in
my mouth.
When Justin and I got up to walk around finally,
after the balloon had fallen out (thank goodness I told myself), it
was interesting to feel the contractions mounting and it was very
nice to be able to lean on Justin and ride it out. Little did I know
that these contractions were nothing compared to the ones coming
soon. It was at this point that I started to sort of go to my 'happy
place' and everything outside of the hospital did not exist anymore,
and everything and everyone inside my hospital room was now all that
existed, and all I cared about.
THE LABOR GETS SERIOUS
Around 11, the contractions started
getting more serious. There wasn't much we could do to distract her
during them; only attempt to comfort her during them with a mix of
pressure, hot towels, tennis balls, etc. Trisha was a life saver
here. She knew exactly where and how to rub, how hot to make a hot
towel (the one time I tried to fish a hot towel out and help Sammie,
it burnt her – I avoided hot towels for the rest of the labor!),
and so forth. Between contractions we tried to help her rest, make
her drink water, and tell her how good she was doing. It was during
this time that it started to be hard for me, seeing her in real pain;
but it was just standard labor pain at this point, so we were still
doing pretty good. It was progressing along, albeit not as fast as
we would have liked.
After a while of this, she decided to
try the hot tub. The hospital had a very nice hot tub – it looked
more like something you'd find in a nice hotel than a medical
facility. Pearl got the water to a good temperature, and Sammie
disrobed and got in. We put in 3 or 4 pillows (which had a tendency
to float to the top; we would have to push them down to the floor of
the tub for Sammie to get on them.) Her contractions in the tub did
look much less painful than those she had been doing in the room, and
she was able to relax between. We kept feeding her lots of juices
and water, and putting cool rags on her head to help balance her
temperature out from the hot water. She was probably in for
somewhere between half an hour and an hour, and it seemed to be going
pretty well. After a while she needed to get out, because she was
getting too hot/tired/dizzy from the tub. We helped her out, and
took her to the bed.
Katie checked her dilation – these
checks were always incredibly painful for Sammie, a very intense
pain; nothing we had learned about in any of the birthing classes
came even close to helping with this – and found that although the
tub contractions had passed relatively painlessly, they also hadn't
done much good; she was not any more dilated then when she had got
into the tub.
Out of the tub, the 'relatively
painless' part was gone; the contractions were very strong, stronger
than before we'd got her out of the tub. At one point Sammie ended
up in the bathroom (having had to urinate), and had to pass a couple
of contractions on the toilet because she was too wiped out to move.
Sweat drenched her so much, that although she had dried off after
getting out of the tub, a look at her would have you thinking that
she had just been swimming again. She made it back to the bed for
another period of extremely painful contractions.
After walking for a while, I did not
want to really stand up anymore so we headed back to the room. I
wanted to try every position that I had read and learned about that
was supposed to ease labor. I found that going to the bathroom was
terrifying because every time I went to the bathroom a contraction
would hit within seconds afterward. Needless to say, I could not
shut the door to the bathroom anymore and I made sure Justin and
Trisha were close by to help me through those difficult contractions.
The sink in the bathroom became my friend as I leaned on it many
times and squatted through contractions.
There was a point
where Katie had me sit on the toilet to ride through some
contractions. This was mostly because I really couldn't handle going
to the bathroom and coming back into the room anymore, so she had me
stay there for a while.
Again, during all of this I was still
in my 'happy place' and really time just didn't matter anymore. I
remember switching positions often and leaning, squatting, kneeling
on the bed, hands and knees on the bed; everything. I remember
though vividly thinking that I could not, and would not, get through
another contraction without Justin. If he had to go the bathroom I
was desperately wanting him to hurry, asking Trisha where he was if
he was even gone for a second. He hurried back every time, and I
only remember him being gone two or three times. I remember I would
stare at his stomach, while laying on my side, and grab onto him as
hard as I could while dealing with a contraction and it was the only
thing really getting me through. There was one position they had me
do where I was sitting on the bed with the bottom half lowered down
so the bed now looked like a chair. They had Justin on his knees in
front of me and I held onto him tightly throughout contractions. I
think this is where Justin hurt his back because he was at this
position for over an hour, maybe more. I liked this position because
I could really hold onto him.
At about this time I was having such
difficult contractions, I felt like I really couldn't go on with them
anymore. I looked at Justin desperately and said “Justin, I really
can't do this. I really can't.” I don't remember what he said,
but Katie said “I'll do whatever you want me to Samantha, just tell
me what you want.” I thought for about 5 of the longest seconds of
my life about whether I wanted to take drugs or not. My thought
process was whether I wanted to risk having my baby not be as alert
or active and being relieved of this pain or have her active and
alert and deal with this pain no matter how bad it got. I accepted
the fact that I was going to do this, with this pain that was
unbearable, because it wouldn't last forever and it would end. My
mantra became, “This will end. I can do this.”
And so after those 5 longest seconds
of my life, I laid down on the bed and held onto Justin, literally
and figuratively, repeating my mantra under my breath over and over
and over. When it got really difficult I think I yelled it out.
THE LABOR STOPS MOVING FORWARD
After a while, Katie needed to check
her again. She found that the dilation had not progressed at all
since Sammie had got out of the tub a long time previous. She probed
deeper to investigate, causing my poor wife great agony; the news she
discovered was even worse. A lip inside was preventing the baby from
coming down; rather than sliding down, her neck had been bending more
and more at an angle. Laying on her side would help fix this with
future contractions, but at this point she'd already been in labor
for over 12 hours (induced, unmedicated labor), and was already
beyond physical exhaustion, and in unbearable pain. To make matters
worse, the low fluid levels were making a speedy delivery more and
more important. They told her she needed to take Pitocen – high
levels of – if she even was going to have a chance of a natural
birth. As soon as they got that in her through the IV, the medical
professionals congregated in a circle, and started talking about
getting a doctor in for a C-section, and which doctor it would be.
The next hour was literally the worst
hour of my life. Sammie was too out of it to notice the doctors
talking, and her eyes were closed so she could not see how distressed
I look. At this point, it was looking like the best case scenario
was that we would have a C-section; the last 12 hours of painful
labor would be in vain, and Sammie wouldn't get the natural delivery
and skin-on-skin she wanted so much. The worst case, which was
looking more and more likely, was that we were going to lose the
baby. I doubt that Sammie's life was ever in much danger, but with
her completely wasted appearance and all the bad news (and probably
extreme exhaustion on my part), I worried it about it very, very
vividly.
The medical professionals at this
point seemed lost (I think they were mostly just waiting for the
doctor that would do the C-section to be available), and I'll never
forgot how alone and useless I felt. Without the doctors and nurses,
and not believing in God or any other powers, I felt like I was
Sammie's only connection to any hope. I talked more frantic, more
positive, and with more willing of something to happen than I ever
had.
Sammie was way too out of it at this
point to notice much of what was going on, so I just tried to give
her hope. I held her hand tight, got close, and just talked about
how everything was going to be okay. She laid on her side, and
mostly seemed to get by between contractions by going to a place
inside where she literally didn't even know where she was or what was
coming. During the contractions, she worked through them with more
strength and energy than I ever knew was possible for anyone to have.
I have no idea how long this cycle went on – it seemed like a
literal eternity. A guess would be an hour or two.
In the end, it worked. After an
endless amount of extreme contractions, Katie checked Sammie again.
The check was again beyond painful for Sammie, but it brought with it
good news – she had progressed pass a 7 to an 8 ½.
They had me laying on my side after
this and I knew then and there that I wasn't actually working with
the contractions, I was fighting them. As I laid down, realizing
that the pain wasn't going to stop unless I found strength to work
with them, I decided to try. Justin and I repeated the phrase, “Go
Down” over and over as I thought really hard about working with my
baby to get her to go down farther. There were a couple times that I
really wanted to just yell out by myself, so I told Justin to stop
talking once and one time that I pushed him away because I couldn't
speak to tell him to stop. I am grateful that I wasn't more mean to
him than that.
Trisha suggested I make low guttural
sounds in sync with how much pain I was in. So, when a contraction
started I made this sound that probably was very scary sounding to
everyone. As each contraction grew so did my voice. Then, I really
had to go to the bathroom but knew that there was no way I was
getting to the toilet. Katie told me to just let it go, so I did.
At some point Justin got ahold of the
oxygen and I remember thinking “What the heck, I don't want that!”.
But, after one time of trying it, I grabbed for it every time I was
done riding through a contraction. I had to have that oxygen,
holding onto it frantically. There were a few contractions where I
was shaking in agony, as I clutched to the side rails. The nurses
would help, and Trisha, to push on my knees so the pressure on my
back wouldn't be so bad. I remember being really scared if the
nurses and Trisha weren't really close by to help push on my knees.
I felt like these contractions were never ending, and I should be
feeling the urge to push by now. However, I just kept riding through
contractions and grabbing the oxygen, or Justin's hand to put the
oxygen on me, after each one. I zoned out, and forgot about
everything but the upcoming contraction between them. I had no idea
that everyone was worried about us and things weren't going well. I
started to feel an urge to push so Katie checked me, which brought on
the worst contraction yet. That was the only contraction where I
screamed and cried out in pain. I did hear that there was a lip in
the way, which was devastating to hear. But, I kept going, and
going.
It was then that I remember seeing
people coming in and getting ready. I thought this meant that I was
getting close so it brought me some happiness. They asked me to get
on my hands and knees to do some pushing, so I did. I told Justin
again that I couldn't do it, and he said “I was worried about you
before, but you're close now, you can do this.” So, I did it, I
started to push.
THE LABOR RESUMES
It took what I'd guess was another hour
of this cycle for her to get fully to a ten, but the news gave us (or
me at least, and I think Katie and the nurses) newfound optimism. I
don't think Sammie even realized the milestone she'd passed – she
was completely out of it between contractions still. The hours
passed, soon it went from the early morning hours into just regular
morning hours. Pearl left, a new nurse came in.
THE LABOR FINISHES
After Sammie made it to 10 cm, it was
time for the pushing. This may sound bad, but after so many hours of
doubt and terror, knowing everything was okay and normal at this
point, I didn't even feel as bad for her pain – I was too excited,
and relieved. I didn't even know relief could feel that strong or
overpowering, but it did. It took about an hour for the final part
of the labor. Sammie came to a bit more, tugged on ropes the nurses
provided, pushed as many times as each contraction would allow, and
was determined in general.
I had originally planned not to watch
the birth itself (gross!), but I ended up in a position helping
Sammie for the last couple of contractions where I had a clear view.
Katie could see the head from her 'special vantage point' before the
rest of us, but eventually a few hairs would peek out after each push
before retreating back in. After every battery of pushes, more dark
black hairs would peek out a bit, then slip back in. Finally almost
the whole head was out (in a disgusting mess of blood and birthing
fluids... eeick!) before sliding back in, and the next battery of
pushes got it far enough that Katie was able to pull the rest of the
baby out. I was quite surprised how after so much effort over the
previous 16 ½ hours of labor, and how it took nearly an hour to get
the head crowning, the entire baby popped out all at once.
The pushing stage of the labor was
pretty difficult. I felt small urges to push in the beginning, but
in a short amount of time the urge to push and the amount of pushing
I had to do was extreme and intense. There were about 5 or 6 people
helping me at this point. There was a nurse on each side of me,
holding my legs up and one other nurse who was holding onto a towel
with knots in it with me standing behind Katie, who was sitting in
the delivery zone and then Justin holding my hand and putting oxygen
on me between pushes.
I pulled onto that towel with everything
I could as I looked at that nurse who kept telling me to keep
pulling. After a long time of pulling and pushing, they put my hands
on these handles on the side of the bed and I pushed as they were
holding my legs up still and I curled down, with my chin to my chest.
The pushing stage lasted forever it felt like. Just as with all the
other stages, it felt like it was lasting so much longer than it
should have. Katie kept telling me that we needed to have this baby,
and I felt like we needed to as well. Looking at the clock, I
remember wanting to have my baby before 10AM, so I pushed harder and
harder. There was a nurse on the side, holding my leg and foot that
coached me through each push. I listened and focused on her. If she
told me to push, I pushed with everything I had. Near the end,
everyone was telling me to push hard and that my baby was almost
here. I remember feeling like there was no way I could push harder,
but then I did. They were asking me if I wanted to feel her head,
but I felt like that would put me over the edge, so I said no. I
just wanted to focus what energy I had left, on pushing her out.
AFTER THE LABOR
As fast as she came out with the last
push, the team of doctors was even faster. I think they had the cord
clamped in two places and cut before she even finished popping out!
They had her on a little incubator with oxygen within seconds,
because of their worries about her breathing. It only took a few
seconds though before Avery was crying (quite loudly), and it was
evident she was okay. They gave her a quick clean and did some
medicinal stuff I couldn't see too well, but within a minute or two
she was able to go back onto Sammie's chest. Sammie was only able to
hold her for a little bit because of how tight she was squeezing
while Katie finished her up, but she did get some of the skin-to-skin
she wanted so bad about as close to immediately as you can get.
After that I took her over to the
couch, and held for about 10 minutes. She seemed happy, or at least
content, and I tried to get a few pictures of her. After Sammie's
finishing stitches were done, she took her back as a lactation
consultation came in to help her with her first breastfeeding, and I
fell asleep on the couch exhausted.
When she came out, I felt a tremendous
rush of relief. The respiratory team took care of her and Katie
started to stitch me up. When they brought her to me, they put her
on my stomach and put a heavy blanket on both of us. I pushed out
the placenta, which oddly enough I wish I could have seen, and Katie
took care of it. Justin took Avery after a while because I felt like
I was going to crush her, my muscles were still aimed on pushing.
Justin immediately took off his shirt, which kind of surprised the
nurse standing next to him, and held Avery skin-to-skin on the couch
next to us.
After the lactation consultant left, I
did need to go to the bathroom. It is true what they say; right
after giving birth, you need help going to the bathroom for the first
time. It was pretty difficult to say the least. I felt like I
definitely had been run over by a very powerful train. After that,
they put me in a wheelchair and we moved up to the recovery room. I
wasn't sure how I looked physically, so I was pretty self conscious
when there were suddenly people from outside the hospital that were
coming in to see new babies in the hallways and elevators.
The hospital food was amazing, I just
have to say. I had chocolate molten lava cake for my first dessert
and I ate it so fast I had a sugar rush, shaking for about 15 min.
afterward. Their food was first rate, and the nurses and doctors
were first rate. I am so grateful for all of the wonderful people
that helped us, because we could not have done any of it without
them. And, this whole experience, though difficult, was one that I
would do again in a heartbeat if I knew it meant getting to be with
my little girl.
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| Avery on Justin's chest |
